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What Do You Do When You Live In A Shoe And You Ain't Got No Soul?
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Music Theory And Song Structure? What Do I Look Like To You? A Competent Musician?
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The Only F Word I Know Is Frozen Bagel Bites
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Me Trying To Sweet Talk My Way Out Of A Speeding Ticket* I'll Have You Know, Officer, That I Have The Greenest Toenails This Side Of The Mississippi
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Dog Fur Taste Best In The Winter Time
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Leave It To Someone From Minnesota To Make Cheese Sound Boring
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If You're Going To Name Your Dog Truffle, You Really Can't Be Too Shocked When The Authorities Take It Away From You. Can You?
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You Think You're Better Than Me Because You Have An American Express Travel Card With Unlimited Miles?! Well, Guess What?! You're Right.
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Spending 90 Dollars At The Stupid Woodstock Fair On Carnival Games For Some Ugly Fish Doll I Could've Bought At Wal-Mart For $6.99
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Drinking Ten Gallons Of Pink Paint So I Can Finally Be Pretty On The Inside
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I Was Told To Make Shorter Song Titles
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Kyle, You Overstayed Your Welcome. While I Appreciate You Making My House Smell Like Body Odor And Doing A Terrible Job At Raking My Lawn, It's Time To Go.
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Throwing A Nine Year Old Girl In The Dumpster At Church Because She Farted On Me
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Suing Pepsi For Taking Flat Coke And Reselling It As, Well, Pepsi
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Show This Song To All The Kids I Went To High School With Who Said I Was Going To Be A Loser. They Deserve To Know How Right They Were.
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Yes. Okay. Yup. Uh-huh. Gotcha. Okay. Okay. DUDE! STOP! Okay, Tom, Or Whatever Your Stupid Name is, Thanks For Waving Me Down To Tell Me My Truck Has A Massive Gas Leak, But Did You Even Stop To Think I'm Trying To Destroy The Environment And...
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I Always Use To Think Detroit Should Just Be Blown Up. Then I Thought Maybe At Least One Person Was Worth Saving From There. But, No. Just Blow Up That Place Already.
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You're Darn Right I Created My Band's Logo In Paint In Less Than A Minute
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IxWxAxGxTxCxIxTxWxAxCxOxHxTxExAxBxFxMxSxGxWxMxAxCxMx
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MxTxDxHxAxNxMxGxRxTxTxExSxDxMxSxTxM
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Humid Weather = Ingrown Toenails
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Building A Ten Foot High Wall Between Canada And America To Keep Gordie From Descab And Zee From Regurgitasi Away From My Homeland
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Days Off Are For Crying In The Shower
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Long Weekends Are For Driving Down To Tallahassee And Beating Up The Elderly. A.K.A The Inferior. Because They're Old And Can't Fight Back
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Actually, No, Matt, I Don't See Anything Wrong With Being A Twenty Nine Year Old Man Who Still Goes Out And Buys Lunchables For Lunch. Their Name Has Freakin Lunch In It! Stop Being Stupid.
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Posing As A Underage Hedgehog Online To Lure The Real Freaks Out
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I Would Actually Go To College If There Was A Course On How To Eat A Burrito From Moe's Southwest Grill Without Making A Complete Mess. Everytime I Eat One I Look Like A Toddler Eating His First Meal By Themselves.
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*On First Date With A Beautiful, God-fearing Women* So, What's Your Favorite Slamming Brutal Death Metal Band? Featuring Me Pretending To Be A Slam Vocalist
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Hey, Pretty Lady, You French? Because You Smell Like Garbage And Have Facial Hair Thicker Than I Do.
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WHAT DO YOU MEAN GIRLS DON'T LIKE GRINDCORE?
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90 Percent Of The Grind Scene Is Alt-left. 90 Percent Of Those Dudes Idolise Seth Putnam. Think About It
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Home Depot Said They Would Hire Me If I Could Promise Them I Would Shower At Least Once Per Month. So, Guess Who Is Still Unemployed
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Meth? I Shoot Up Chunky Peanut Butter
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I'm Sorry, Shampoo Bottle, But You're Already My Best Friend. Wouldn't It Be Kinda Weird If We Started To Date?
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Cuddling With Some Homeless Dude Underneath A Shady Tree On A Warm Sunday Afternoon In May Watching The Clouds Go By In The Park
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My Boss Told Me If I Ever Farted On Him Again He Was Going To Come To My House And Take A Crap On My Lawn
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If I Have The Choice Of Either Expanding My Knowledge By Reading A Book Or Eating Expired Devil Dogs Without Pants On I'm Eating Expired Devil Dogs Without Pants On Every Time
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Most Single People My Age Go To Bed Wondering When They Are Going To Meet Their Future Spouse. I Go To Bed Thinking Of Playing Madden When It Was Good As A Kid
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I Ran Out Of Toilet Paper, So I Used My Neighbours Kitchen Sink As A Beaudette
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I Met The Real Life Version Of Comic Book Guy From The Simpsons At Guitar Center. When I Told Him How I Record My Vocals, He Had A Comic Book Guy Like Meltdown And Told Me I Suck At Music
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