About Low Cunning
Fake video game music for fake video games with fake synth sounds made by real guitars. Call the Tipline of the Shitty Wizard: (888) 351-2666. Updated whim-ishly.
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Top Tracks
1
For Some Reason This Overland Map Is Inexplicably Covered In A Dense Fog Of War
2
A Horde of Orcs Have Broken Through The Gates And I'm Looking to Boil Them Alive, Not Just Simmer Them
3
Dutifully I Leave The Castle With Only My Staff Plus A Purse Brimming With The Purest Uncut Poppies
4
Summon The Scrivener As I Cannot Fathom What Arcana This Fucking Tome Conceals
5
Tell That Bard To Shut The Fuck Up
6
Somewhere In This Castle Is A Carefully-Hidden Switch That Provides Access To A Secret Antechamber (Which Seems Like Bad Planning Or A Design Flaw, Honestly)
7
Actually Yes, If You Must Know, I Do My Best Scrying Whilst Drunk
8
Sometimes I Dream The Hollow Voice That Calls Me “Fool” Might Offer Suggestions On How I Can Better Myself
9
So It Turns Out That The Dragon's Treasure Is Actually Just 200 Years of Feculent Dragon Effluvia
10
I Refuse To Believe This Multi-Level Dungeon Was Formed Naturally Over Several Eons Because There Are Fucking Stairs Between Floors
11
Invaders Have Broken Through To The Gatehouse, Part I_ Fall Behind Me As I Single-Handedly Repel These Vile Assassins! Part II_ As I Lie Among Ruble And Inhale The Stench Of Charred Townsfolk I Realize I May Have Misjudged Our Assailants
12
No, I Wasn't The Idiot Who Forgot To Bring Torches Into This Dungeon And No, I Do Not Know The "Bright" Spell
13
Statistically It’s Not The Dragons, But Rather the Lack Of Indoor Plumbing And Clean Water, That Will Do Thee In
14
As A Horde Of Foes Recklessly Thunder Towards Us I Find Myself Quaffing The Good Booze Lest I Not Survive To Quaff Later
15
Watch As I Boldly Descend Into This Dungeon, Synthesizing My Plans To Accrue The Means Whereby I Might Resurrect Several Dead Princesses
16
Who Needs Tactics When You’ve Got A Fairly Okay-ish Healer
17
Fill The Village With Music And Revelry For I Return With Vast Riches And Esoteric Knowledge (Though, Sadly, Not Princess Brunhilde. My Bad.)
18
Now Is An Appropriate Time To Reflect On The Many, Many Shortcomings Of Fallen Party Members
19
If We’re Engaged In Turn-Based Combat Someone Tell Me Before I Start Lobbing Fireballs Everywhere
20
Who Needs Tactics When You’ve Got A Fairly Okay-ish Healer?
21
We All Know That When I Cast Chain Lightning I Can Only Control Where It Starts, Not Where It Ends Up
22
Obviously If I Believed In The Witch’s Curse I Wouldn’t Have Talked Shit About Her Coven
23
Hand Over My Guerdon, Knave, That I Might Purchase Demeaning Prostitution
24
Archers Are Such Little Bitches
25
Pissing Off The Abandoned Battlements Onto The Heads Of Approaching Brigands Deals 1 HP Damage! Command?
26
It Seems Odd That Most Churches In The Realm Preach About An Afterlife But Will Also Resurrect Dead Adventurers For Money
27
Townsfolk Are The Fucking Worst
28
Motherfuckers Really Are Out Here Naming Their Seed “Qu’artahon” Or Some Shit And They All Wanna Grow Up And Wield Broadswords
29
Given The Wide-Open Nature Of These Plains You’d Think I’d Be Able To See Random Encounters Coming, But Nay
30
Why Bother Having A Dialogue Tree If I’m Just Going To End Up Doing The Quest Anyway?
31
The Vengeful Carline Isn’t Speaking In Riddles, She Just Had A Stroke
32
There Is No Doubt In My Mind That We Will Find Riches, Not Traps, In This Eerily Reverberant Cave
33
I Do Not Think Looting Every Cromlech And Burial Mound I Encounter Affects My Alignment, No
34
It Is Pitch Black. I Am Likely To Take A Nap
35
Searching Through Bushes, Bookshevles, And Jars Is My Passion
36
Enemies Keep Dropping Gold and Useful Items Even Though They Don’t Anywhere to Store It and It Happens All the Time
37
Sometimes As I Wander Around This Kingdom I Fantasize That a Wyvern Might Swoop Down and Disembowel That Asshole of an Armorer Who Made Me Pay for Bracers Instead of Just Giving Them To Me
38
A Random Lord Invited Me To Participate In A Tournament And There’s a 100% Chance It’s A Trap But There'll Be Free Food And Booze So I'm Attending
39
Grinding on Slimes Means I’m Killing Them for Loot and Has Very Little to Do With Sexual Gratification
40
Transported by the Hellish War Lantern to a Realm Guarded by the Actual Christian Devil, Not Just a Clever Allegory
41
Enemies Keep Dropping Gold And Useful Items Even Though They Don’t Anywhere To Store Them And It Happens All The Time
42
A Random Lord Invited Me to Participate in a Tournament and There’s a 100% Chance It’s a Trap but Apparently It'll Further My Storyline
43
You Have My Hammer, Says the Town's Most Painfully Incompetent Blacksmith
44
I’m Willing to Speak With Every Single Townsperson Just to Make Sure None of Them Say Anything Remotely Useful
45
“Grinding On Slimes” Means I’m Killing Them For Loot And Has Very Little To Do With Sexual Gratification
46
“You Have My Hammer,” Says The Town's Most Painfully Incompetent Blacksmith
47
I’ll Talk To Every Asshole In This Town Just To Make Sure None Of Them Say Anything Remotely Useful
48
Invaders Have Broken Through to the Gatehouse
49
When I Said I’d Slay the Giant I Thought He’d Be Kind of Big but Not, Like, a Towering Monolith Rising from the Earth What Might Touch the Gods Big
50
Greedily lusting after the exact same staff I already have except its +1
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