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#01: after 6 months there is the first admittance, several breakups and this might be the last? that's unfair! i fought through denial, rejection, insults, insecurity, frustration, jealousy, mistrust and more, wondering if i'm crazy and alone in this or not for months!
#02: you insisted on this singing but contradictory you denied for months this communication or relationship exists at all, gaslighting, depriving my own perception and intuition, irritating me, denying our love. and all this just now to hear: it's true but maybe its over? that ain't fair! give us a chance!
#03: i feel kind of relieved now to know my intuition was always right, but at the same time i am angry about it. so much unnecessary struggle and pain (one day i'll be thankful for learning so much, i know)! how do you expect_ed me to behave proper in this without knowing? and then even blame me for it?
#04: isn't "keeping it up" under this circumstances for months proof enough to be serious? don't you see how i was and still am fighting for you? why should i do that if i wouldn't mean it?
#04: isn't "keeping it up" under this circumstances for months proof enough to be serious? don't you see how i was and still am fighting for you? why should i do that if i wouldn't mean it? mostly i tried to assume you were behaving like this with a good intention. malicious tongues may call it different like i did yesterday.
#05: i am sorry for the "lost cause" and "coward king". and be sure: the other half i put on myself asking why i did this to me. this situation has to change.
#06: i want to be accepted the way i am, to be seen for who i am and to be loved, not mistrusted and to love somebody the same way. i want to listen to music again without thinking about what song to hear or not to hear because of some lyrics in it. this is what i will do from now on, so nevermind.
#07: if you're not ready to face me eye to eye than this ends right here. my patience and sympathy for you acting this way are all used up now. and i had a lot of it. we have a deep connection and we can learn a lot. i can forgive, love and trust, i hope you, too. there is a lot to share. i am ready to go on with you. but not like this. <3
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